Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Thank you for liberating me; but your arbitrary faction-choice's advancement is in another castle!

Oh hello!

How're things?  Good good!  Adventuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure~!

Questin' questin' doodleedoo.  Galmar's got me raidin' keeps like it's going out of STYLE.  Or that it's urgent.  Which I guess it kind of is.  But after the last one, we need to step up our game!

So; Ulfric via Galmar of course, wants me to try and shake things up subterfuge-style.  Essentially we need to divert Imperial resources (army dudes) away from our resources (different colored army dudes).

Grabbin' this dude's package.  Eew.

Courrier wasn't too concerned that a very large man was kneeling at butt-level, rummaging into his rucksack for stuff.  Nobody else in the clearly-lit tavern seemed to mind that one man was at groin height, both hands firmly inside another man's satchel, rummagin' round like no tomorrow.  Good!  I like games that are progressive towards stuff like this, no matter how kinky it gets.  Kinkier the better!

I like to imagine I just crossed out one city-name in red crayon and then wrote in another.

Taurinus Dulillis Maximus Relaximus Alamagocus.  Clearly Imperial scum.  Here's your document, you dunderhead!  Go take a wrong turn in Albuquerque or whatever.  No one wants you here.

Sweet armor though.  Now that that's sorted, gonna go tell Galmar the Imperials totally fell for it.

He's got 'leaning over a table' down PAT.

Fort Snowhawk is one of those fantasy names that sound super-cheezy (because it is.) and clearly something that fits in like a George R.R. Martin book, or some knockoff high fantasy series about a smart and cunning warrior poet wizard, called I don't know; Olorin the Wise.  That sounds like it could sell a 10 novel deal on Kindle eReaders probably.

Anyways.  Forts.  Hawks made of snow.  I AM IN THEM.  And they're crawling with imperial soldiers, so I gots to get rectifyin' that.

SURPRISE!  Nice 'stache.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut you gon' die.


They're all napping.... yeah that's the ticket.

Fort Snowhawk: acquired.  Time to head on back to Galmar and tell'im that they can move in, but in the distance I can hear the powerful crack of leathery wings slicing through the crisp winter air...


I'VE BEEN TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN!  Downloaded and installed the Macho Man dragon-mod which turns all dragons into Macho Men, complete with soundbytes.  Seems that the mod DOESN'T like being installed along-side the Hi-Def texture pack.  That and normally the Macho men don't have wings just arms, but some effects seem to cling to the membrane-parts of the default wings, causing some artifacting to go on.

Look just for the sounds alone and the fact that its RANDY 'MACHO MAN' SAVAGE going OOH YEAAAAAAAAAH! when using shouts / dragon breath weapons, its more than worth the price of admission.  Which was free.  There is absolutely no downside to this, and I will challenge ANYONE to fisticuffs if they even deign to think otherwise.


What a breath-taking view of Fort Greenwall.  Right before I sack the shit out of it.

Another day, another grotesque use of power on hapless victims.  I'd feel bad for'em, but y'know, I was forced to choose sides.  I picked Ulfric's, and I'll be damned if I'm going to have any regrets about it.  Nope; all Imperials are garbage and need to get the hell out of Skyrim.  S'what the boss said.  So out with y'all.

Oh how quickly those numbers go down now.

Didn't take too long.  The few soldiers who run away or duck into the fort are usually finished off by the Stormcloak rabble that Galmar sends along, because he doesn't think I can handle this.  I mean I can, and they do help, as they cut down on the chasing down deserters.  Arrows are indeed a big weakness for these guys!  Not just to their knees either.

Got a horse!  Worth like; 2 kingdoms.  Maybe 3.

Lookie what I found!  Normally the NPCs just shower the area with so many arrows they kill whatever's alive in the stables, but this guy survived!  I am gonna call him Sir Reginald Mortimer VonHoofenstuffs, of the Cyrodiil VonHoofenstuffs.

And more than likely completely forget about him in 5 minutes; what do you want, my attention span is a fickle mistress!

Great job!  Here's an outfit.

Mighty nice of you Ulfric to give me some team colors!  I'll just slide these on, even though they're light armor, and of an inferior quality to the Nordic carved armor I'm wearing right now, but bear-motif!  I love the theme!  This of course appeals to me and my need to collect outfits.  My Street Fighter 4 account is GREAT SHAME but proof enough.


Why yes, those are steel claws on my knuckles, and a bear pelt draped around my head and shoulders.  No the gloves don't add to my damage, and technically as its all Light Armor I get none of my heavy armor bonuses from them, but FASHION!  I am not a fashion plate, I am a goddamn FASHION BUFFET.  All-you-can-eat ladies!  Mrrrrow.

That's all for now!  More soon!

1 comment:

  1. Nice post, a long one :)

    Check my latest blog post about Skyrim: