Sunday, December 22, 2013

Yes Virginia, there is a Dragonpuncher and he's Totes McGotes p.fresh and stuff.

F'realz.  Mufasa said it.

Now that we've established this in canon, moving on.

Sovngarde!  Oh myyyyyyy!  Such a pretty fog-filled place, like fancy Lon-don town, Enga-land!  With similar numbers of Jack the Rippers, too probs.

Onwards!  I have Elder Scrolls Valhalla to find, and stop Alduin from eating everyone in Nord-heaven because that's a dick move, Alduin!

Kodlak; shining beacon in a sea of pessimism.

You'd think that the guy for whom I cured his eternal soul of the foul stench of lycanthropy (and the indentured servitude to Hircine that came with it I might add) from oh y'know BEYOND THE GRAVE, he'd have a little more confidence in me than what he's giving.  Seriously dude, reforming your order of naughty puppies was CHILD'S PLAY.

Giant space whale bone bridge to Asgard Sovngarde?  Seems legit.
 It's like that shot of the brewery in "Strange Brew".  Just, guys, I... I need a moment.  *Sniff* I'M HOME!  Woo yeah time to--

Bouncer gonna bounce.
 Damnit, looks like there's a cover charge to get into this party, and the fee is kickin' this Thor-lookin' motherfucker's ass all up'n'down that space whale bone bridge.  Bring it on.

Droppin' sick beats, you crusty knave!
 YES!  YEEEEEEEEES!  ALL THE BEERS.  ALL MINE!  And cheese!  This place is AWESOME! I don't ever want to leave, oooh what's over there!

All-you-can-eat cows roasting on an open fire.  You'd have to be crazy to want to leave!
Huh? What?  With our voices combined?  Oh yeah Alduin.  Right right right.  Sure thing.  We'll go do that right now, so we can get back to the party!

Cleared the mist; found no gorillas, or gorillaz.  Am sad now.
 So with the original three heroes who sent Alduin from their era to mine (dicks!) we're gonna get rid of him here, in Sovngarde where he's been feasting on my ancestors' souls and increasing exponentially in power.  HOW QUAINT.

 OH SHI--- BOSS TIME!  Me 'n the Warriors Three gon' have at it!  Alduin, you're going down!

THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FOR--oh wait it is.  :C

SUCK IT, ALDUIN.  The End Times are for another day!

"So... what do we do now?" "We work hard.  We party hard."
 Hooray and huzzah!  Skyrim, and all of Tamriel really, is safe once more from impending doom and gloom!  Well at least from dragon incursions, that is.  There's probably something else waiting to crawl out of the shadows and eat me and everything I love at a moment's notice.

"I will fly you there upon my exquisitely chiseled pecs."
 OK Tsun, I've had my fill of adventure, mead, and song.  I'll come back when I'm dead, so keep the good times rolling until I get back.  I'm ready to go horm.

Tsun's ability to get you home: a bit off.
 So the big lunk warps me back;  ..inside a dungeon.  I meet Medresi, an elf.  She's looking for help to get to a treasure deeper in, and what the hell, I want to get out, right?  Might as well pick up some treasure on the way.

Mere moments before Medresi gets killed by all the ghosts 'n draugrs (SNES edition).  I'm not in my underwear, I promise.
 So... she's dead.  or gone.  Look I can't find her, and cannot be bothered to go on a rescue mission.  These draugr won't re-kill themselves and there's still all that treasure around.  Can you say no to treasure?  I know I can't!

Helpful ghost!
 So I meet up further down the dungeon path with a very helpful ghost.  Mostly helpful because he was slain by whatever big bad thing deeper-in and wants reveeeeeeeeeeeeeenge.  Sure that's fine with me buddy; because TREASURE.

Floaty swords.
 Game is now causing weaponry to just hang mid-air now, once their owner is killed.  Normally the items go scattering in arc to the ground, Skyrim's physics engine actually pretty decent, with the object bouncing and sliding under its own momentun for a bit.  Now?  sometimes things just get stuck in the air like that.

Kinda cool!  But totally not working as intended.

Otar the Mad Mad Mad Mad wooooooooooooorld dragonpriest.

Next time: we rejoin the surface world.

No comments:

Post a Comment