Friday, January 29, 2016

Fallout 4 "IDFSG" Edition: Minutiae Men

Welcome back, everyone!

Last we left off, I had just arrived in Sanctuary, and Cogsworth informed me that all the shit's fucked up and everyone's retarded.  Or feral.  Or something; whatever.  He indicated I might be able to find some survivors in nearby Concord.  But first, I leveled!  

"Looks exactly like Fallout: Shelter for iOS also known as 'I WILL MAKE YOUR PHONE OVERHEAT AND DIE'."


Locksmith'd.  I've a feeling that I'm gonna need to get into places I'm not really supposed to be getting into, and that being able to open advanced locks early on will be an advantage.  Now then; on towards Concord!

♫ SECRET TUNNEL ♫


Deep dank dark hole underneath Red Rocket Service Station... What do you say, Ol' buddy Ol' pal?

"Ruh roh"


Dog's not too sure.  Oh well what does he know; he licks his own balls.  Damn showoff...

"Nuclear waste, mushrooms and molerats."


Well that explains the memo on the Red Rocket terminal about them stashing radioactive waste under the station.  'cept its fulla raaaaaats.  Molerats.  Thankfully they have a weakness to GUN.

Anywho.  Pop back out of the cave, and onwards towards Concord...s.

"Nuka-Cola Quantum: have you got the glow, the glow to grow?"


Oh look; a soft drink with a (harmless?) radioactive isotope so it glows!  Made from over 200 years ago and it's STILL glowing!  There's no way this won't be anything but beneficial to my body!

"Sock drawer stash, essentially."


Welp, there goes some Buffout and Jet. Jet causes time dillation for about 10 seconds, so everything's in slow-mo.  Buffout is essentially steroids in pill-form.

"Dog got SWAG."


And now my dog is a fashionista.  OR I'm hallucinating.  Pretty sure I'm high, but not high enough to imagine my dog is dressing up on his own; I must've gave him that stuff.  Also doggles!  So cute so nice...

"Even my GUI's guy is baked."


Well that's... odd... I guess I'm not doing that OK after all.  Good thing my Pipboy can track all my symptoms.

"Thankfully no side-effect such as: Micropenis or Backne."


I hear a dude yell for help while shooting lasers at some baddies.  I guess he needs a hand but hey what's that!?  A clandestine bar!?  Don't mind if I do!

"Pretty sure nobody here knows my name."


Cleaned the place. out.  There was one room where a dude was just covered in drugs and gettin' it on with a mannequin before expiring.  We can all only hope to go out that way in life.  Wonder how my vitals are doin'.

"Dave's not here, man."

"Got more shit coursin' through my system than Charlie Sheen on a Friday night."


Well now that I'm thoroughly sauced, might as well go and murder raiders to rescue that Preston guy who was yelling at me earlier...

"Pee-ka-boo!  BANG BANG!"


I'm like a vengeful spirit, on a vision quest, just killin' dudes.  WELP I fell down into the basement...

"This looks vaguely important / expensive.  MINE."


I manage to stumble back up from the basement, and do the tour proper.  A lot of it is the Redcoats gettin' their shit kicked.  I'm OK with that.

" 'MURICA!"


I find another box with some chems in it, wonder how I'm doin' so-far...

"I might have a problem..."


Alcohol addiction after only 4 beers?   Well I guess Art imitates Life sometimes.  Moving on.

"Post-Modern Family."


Preston gives me a big thumbs-up for getting rid of the harassing raiders, but tells me the job's not done.  Specifically, we now need to get OUT of the building aaaaaand we're screwed.

He throws to his boy Sturges, who's the man with a plan.  Specifically go onto the roof and get that cherry suit of power armor up and running.

"Any advantage at this point.  Whatever works, man."


The trip to the roof is uneventful if a bit slow, as I'm severely overencumbered.  Hopefully the mechanized suit will help me out.

"Your move, creep."


I am become death!  I AM A METAL MAN!  I AM... wait what's that sound...

"Why does it have a skull next to it's name..."


Is that what Mama Murphy was talkin' about?  Fuckin' DEATHCLAW?  WELL SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.

"OOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAH."


I forgot I installed that Macho Man Deathclaw Mod.  I also forgot I was playing on Survival.

Total Death Count for this section: 3.  3 fucking times.

Thankfully, the 4th try worked like a charm.

"How do I get out and eat you!?"

"ARGH; HOISTED UPON MY OWN PETARD.  I MEAN GLITCH."


Yeah he glitched in the sewers and couldn't get out.  I don't care, it still counts.  I murdered the deathclaw, and went a-explorin'.

"Whatcha doin?" "Oh y'know, hangin' out in the sewers, doin' drugs."


Another immediate dose of Jet.  Still not addicted, but let's go see how I'm doing now.

"Tell it to me straight, Doc."  "You're boned."


Well that's not great.  What IS great however, is I forgot to level, and then leveled again so DOUBLE LEVEL POWERRRRRRRRRRRR

"Lone Wanderer + Gun Nut. BRB occupying federal wildlife reserve lololololololz."

Lone Wanderer for the extra carry space and flat 15% damage reduction, and Gun Nut rank 1 so I can turn guns into valuable commodities to be bartered with, but also SUPERGUNS.

And now back to Preston, to tell him the coast is clear.  He's mighty thankful (as he should be) and offers to let me stay at their new settlement prospects: Sanctuary Hills.  Sorry buddy but that's MY HOME ALREADY.  I'll let -YOU- stay in my heroin den, more likely.

I am however severely overencumbered now even WITH the robo-suit, so it is a long, slow, ponderous, ennui-filled trek BACK to Sanctuary Hills itself.  Like seriously.  You can't fast-travel, run OR sprint.  So its just a snail's pace walk back.

"No Iron Chef for me.  ( ;_;) "


Can't cook while in a robo-suit?  Complete garbage.  I wonder just HOW BADLY I'm overencumbered...

"567 lbs?  Surprised my back isn't shattered."


Wow.  Well I guess that would be a valid reason for me being DEAD let alone inching across the wasteland.  Oh well.  I'm back home, and while Preston & Co. set up shop, I've got some inventory management to do.

"After a brief session over the ol' cookin' pot."


Again, rule being that while I don't have to immediately consume cooking ingredients such as meat, once it IS cooked however, down the hatch.

"Beep boop please insert NUKE."


Well, that's it for this installment.  I made it back to Sanctuary in relatively one piece, am covered in rusty bits, and addicted to no less than 3 controlled substances!  Who knows what'll happen tomorrow!

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