Friday, March 4, 2016

Fallout 4 "IDFSG" Edition: Huntin' down some Special K

Greetings my lovelies!

Today's adventure will further advance the main plot line of Fallout 4!  So begins a (for this episode a mildly spoilery version at least) of the events to come.  I guess this is your trigger warning if you haven't already advanced past this point in the campaign, and don't want the unravel to be spoiled for you.

I mean the game's been out for like, almost 4 months now, y'all should be caught up, or whatever.  I won't judge you for being a lazybones.  Tell you what; go ahead and play the game to completion, and when that happens, come on back here and let's kick off from there, ok?

Sounds good?  We good?  All caught up then, or just plain don't care mon frère?  ONWARDS THEN!

Diamond City; Nick's detective agency.  Time to get back on track and look for my goddamn son like I'm Mel Gibson in RANSOM.

"Lookin' for love in all the wrong places."

Kind of a dive, really.  I mean the majority of the city's realty is fabricated from old shipping containers stacked ontop of one another; not sure if they're even welded together.  At least it feels relatively bigger on the inside.

"Shhh shh shut your mouth.  It's Moose Artcrawl."

At least Nick has an eye for decoration; I mean we're living in a world 200 years after the almost instantaneous collapse of modern society; fine art feels kind of low on the priority list when FOOD, SHELTER are nigh-constantly battling it out for the #1 spot.  Maybe it's because he's a synth and has little to no need for either of those things that he can branch out and get himself what looks like a really nice watercolor portrait.

"Nice high-up view from the mayor's office of Fenway Diamond City."

So Nick's got SOME info for me; my description of the shitheel who done stole'd mah babbly jogs his memory enough to conjure up a dossier about Kellogg; a NASTYBOY who has his fingers in many pies.  Notably in kidnapping.  He was last seen a while back in Diamond City, not too sure how far back, having owned a house in the west stands.

Oddly enough, the last time he was seen, he was walking around with what looked to be a 10 year old; clearly a pre-teen boy, and not a baby.  Kellogg's got weird tastes, man.  So let's go to his house.

"Why you askin' me that; am I some kinda keymaster?  You the gatekeeper?"

 His house WAS locked, and Nick was unable to pick it.  Thankfully the mayor of Diamond City keeps a copy of each key the city sells property to.  Kind of like having the locksmith on speed dial.  Thankfully I stole the SHIT out of them keys.  Let's crack a peek inside!

"Doesn't look like a place anybody would live in."

What a dump.  There's literally nothing here.  It's all a buncha junk!  Unless, what's there under this here desk, hmm...

"Secret button!?"

SECRET SECRET! I'VE GOT A SECRET!  And it's a... room full of mercenary swag!  AND CLUES!

"♫ Secret room!  Secret room!  Through the fake waaaaall ♫"


Nick's all "Hey there's a clue over here.  And by clue I mean some stanky ol' cigars that they don't make anymore."  Thanks? I guess?

"Well I could do some actual detective work or... you can let the dog do it.  I'll be watchin' my stories at home."

Nick's really not hands-on it seems; he's quick to suggest the dog, and sounds as if he feels obligated to offer me assistance, but is not-so-secretly hoping I refuse his offer.  Look I get it; you're a gritty Noir-esque gumshoe with a hard nose for sassy dames and mystery; while I'm a bare chested pockmarked heroin fiend in a bowler hat one beatdown synched to "♫ I'm singing in the rain ♫" away from a Clockwork Orange, toting a battleaxe in a world filled with laser pistols.

I get it.  I wouldn't want to travel with me either.  Especially since we're standing inside the secret bunker compartment of a ruthless mercenary, and he skipped town without eating all of his supplies.

"Keep scrollin' scrollin' scrollin' WHAT."

Well that takes care of that.  Woofa doofa, I'm full.  Alright.  let's get this manhunt started!

"After this I'm teaching him how to play poker."

C'mere Dogmeat!  Smell the cigar; now find me a fresh pack of swisher sweets!  Go on now! Git!

"There he goes; the littlest hobo."

Right out the door like a Young Brando!  With VIGOR!  BUST THAT SHIT WIDE OPEN, SHIP'EM OUT A WHOLE NEW DOOR.  Like a goddamn dog-missile, that Dogmeat; I have a hard time keeping up, what with the fact I just ate enough rations to keep a man well fed for like; a week.  Just waddling behind him, making weird sloshing sounds as my addiction-riddled body (Because YES I'm back addicted to Alcohol & ALL Mentat brands.  Again.) kinda shambles forward; as if I were running with my trousers around my ankles.

Which is weird since I'm wearing a loincloth.  The less time we spend on that the better, methinks.

"Hot on the trail!"

Dogmeat's keeping me on my toes until we get to what appears to be a dock to a VERY sad-lookin' puddle of a pond.  There's an overturned chair and another of those special-branded cigars, so we can clearly glean that Kellogg is a man who not only enjoys brutality, murder, and kidnapping, but also quiet sunsets scintillating off stagnant water at dusk.  Mmmmm, drink it in; it always goes down smooth.


And immediately to our left from the quest marker is GIANT HULKING DEATH!  Macho Claws killed me so hard in one fell swipe of his meaty sharphands, that the following happened:


Seriously everything went 70's psychadelic horror in that last bit.  I'm not sure but I think I saw a ghost clown laughing at me, melting through the ground.   Reload it back up, and thankfully, the Deathclaw is replaced by a mole rat.  Small miracles, right?


10ft later, down the train tracks no less than 5 mole rats, including a legendary one, and an irradiated one.  Another senseless death.

Reload.  No deathclaws; good.  No gaggle of molerats; also good.

WOOP two Legendary Vicious Mongrel Alphas.  Because one wasn't enough.  Reload TWICE.

"Legendary mongrels with frickin' lasers attached to their heads."

Through a combination of shrieking at my PC and hopping around, taking swings at their faces, I get rid of the two legendary bastards.  Slowly eating through my Stimpak reserve, I am not happy!

Tailgates of heaven party, amirite?"

Guy looked lonely; I took his wonderglue though.  Mine now.  I can hear Dogmeat barking for attention.  I discover Vault 81, but do not venture any further there; that'll be its own adventure.

"DON'T FE\\  \H\  BEA\\   .   What!?"

Man, that sign has seen better days.  I wonder what could've done that to that poor sign!?  Probably something big and with claws.  Another Deathclaw?  Ugh.  I hope not.




Goddamnit.  Dumb Yao Guai just showing up, and being all "Y HALLO THAR,"  And then proceeding to introduce me to its intestinal flora by ingesting my face.  Repeatedly.


So far this bear is of your smarter-than-average variety, as he has deduced that he could go AROUND the two trees separating us, but still allowing me to shoot between their ample trunks.  Clever girl.

I however did not expect the following on what was my like; 5th death to this dumb dude...

"Worst circus act ever."

That dead tree has done what myself and the rest of the goddamn could not; stop the Yao Guai in its tracks, and prevent it from eating me and Dogmeat.  I mean it.  Damn thing climbed on there, and just got stuck.  I was sure that the second I'd shoot it, it'd get unstuck but nope!  I even took footage!

Well that was fun.  And YES, I teabagged that sumbitch and he DESERVED ALL 3 OF THOSE DUNKS.

Of course, no sooner is the bear dead, that the next rung on the predator totem pole thinks its king shit of fuck mountain.  Come take my crown, you sumbitches.  This is MY HOUSE.


Filled to the gills with mongrel meat now.  I warned them; I said shoo!  Only Dogmeat listened, and he bolted off to follow up on Kellogg's scent, leaving me to deal with the new threat.


OK Whoever at Bethesda was in charge of babycarts is clearly steppin' up their crazy-game.  Anywho, I have a NEW son now, until I find Shaun again; his name is Plunger-Boy and he is my beautiful son.  He is my WORLD.

"Alarm systems, taken to the next level."

Dogmeat's leading me through towns, and I found this one locked door.  Apparently what was in there was worth rigging the door with a BOMB.

SPOILERS: IT WASN'T WORTH IT.  some Mac&Cheese, water, and mentats.


Dogmeat just laying down ontop of a deadly busted up assaultron robot like he don't give no fucks.  Because he doesn't; I mean he's a dog.

Anyways; the Assaultron tells me that its assailant was Kellogg as it understood that word for when I asked Dogmeat if he could pick up Kellogg's scent again.  No word from the robot on who sent it mind you.

Of course the leading expertise in robotonomy AND robotology in the Commonwealth, is The Institute.  So; while I'm not pointing fingers YET at the elusive organization, I am strongly considering them as a suspect.

Oh and he's off again.

"Follow your nose!"

If he bleeds, we can kill him.  Like I'm gonna murder Kellogg, people.  Make no doubts about it.  This man shot my wife dead, AND took my son.  I am going to murder him, and time permitting, mutilate the shit out of his corpse tied to a chair, while pouring gasoline around it in a jaunty dance.

Dogmeat's lead me to Ft. Elgen, which looks like it was an Army reserve base, pre-war.  Time to scope my surroundings.

"Sgt. Tedders and Lt. Jangles the Moon Monkey weren't enough to keep him safe, unfortunately"

Well, didn,t find much, except for this dude severely compensating for something.  I thought marines were supposed to be ridiculous tough.  Maybe this is to serve as a grim reminder of the atrocities of war, and their permanent, exorbitant toll it takes on all of our enlisted men & women.  At least this soldier died defending home and country, instead of the country's corporations' desired resources halfway across the world.  OOOOOOH SICK MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX BURN.  360 NO SCOPE PERFECT TEETH NO CAVITIES INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION TITO SANTANA.

Ok I'm done.  Dogmeat!  WHERE ARE YOU!?


What is it boy?  Kellogg's stank cigar smoke is coming from behind that there impenetrable wall of rubble and refuse?

WHERE AM I, anyways?  I should check how far I wandered off from Diamond City, because between the Deathclaw, Vicious Mongrels, and That. Fucking. BEAR.  I have no clue where I'm at.

"Well we're not in Diamond City anymore, that's for sure."

OK so the Star logo with the little arrow pointer is where I'm currently at, and the empty square marker is of course Diamond City.  Yeah.  I think its time to head back, and resupply.  I've discovered the area so I can easily travel back to it, but I definitely need to upgrade my shit.

"Dr. Manhattan's gun: BANG! You have cancer now."

That bear gave me essentially a gun that shoots RADIOACTIVE BULLETS!  This is great because anything that isn't immune to Radiation damage will take damage to their maximum health, ontop of the ballistic damage the gun normally deals.  I just took all the mods off my old 10mm pistol, and plopped'em onto this bad boy.

Current tally for this session:

Deaths: 9
Crashes: 0
Reloads: 0

MVPs of this installment:

1st Star: That bear-capturing tree
2nd Star: RAWR RAWR the Yao Guai.
3rd Star: 2-way tie for both Legendary Vicious Mongrel Alphas.

Stay tuned for our next episode; where we further the search in Ft. Elgen for Kellogg!

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