Are you there Meridia? Its me, Dovahkiin...

Bit of news: a friend of mine (Sir Lord Regent of Whitehead) over at Eurogamer's reviewed the latest Skyrim DLC, Dragonborn; its supposedly really good, however won't be released on PC/Steam version until early '13.  Bleh.  Read his review here!

With that out of the way, onwards gentle reader! Meridia's quest won't complete itself!  (I tried.  I just sat there, and shit didn't do NOTHIN' by itself.  So disappointed.)

The Meridian Candidate

Last we left off, I had just beaten up the entire pirate population of Solitude's northern shores.  Bad for the environment?  Not really, there's no shortage of Bandits, Highwaymen, and Thieves.  Also pirates populate like rabbits, and I'm pretty sure I left at least two alive so they could spread news of my campaign of tyranny on their kind.

Off to the Temple of Meridia! (Not really named that.) Of course, like everything in this game, its' at the ass-end of the world opposite where I am.  Shortest distance being a straight line, this time it took me through so me mountainous ranges, and I witnessed something I haven't seen in forever...

Sneaux.  A-lee-kee-bewm-bewm-nam.

It's December 7th, we still don't have any here in the Maritimes.  In fact, my A/C unit is still in the livingroom window.  This isn't because its warm outside, but because I'm very lazy.  Also its warm outside.

So going up and over the mountain range was probably three times as long as going around, but I had one hell of a view, and even a race with a mountain goat; I won because I FUS RO DAH'd his ass off a cliff.  Meridia's temple is actually a large sprawling building carved directly into the mountain side, but is locked from within.  Bullshit.  So I had to hoof it over to this here statue/shrine combo.

50/50 chance of gaining either the Varia Suit, or a giant boulder chasing after me.

Put the beacon back into its' pedastal?  Simple enough.  I mean nothing weirds gonna happ--

HALP.  HAAAAAALP.  SOMETHING IS PROBLEM.  GRAVITY STAHP.

We could've done this on the ground you know.

I'll give it to Meridia though; as much as teleporting me a mile up in the air was for show, its also incentive; She basically doesn't give you a choice in restoring her temple to functionality.  Well she gives you a choice, where the choice is do as she says, or take the express way back down.  Also she doesn't even specify what's wrong with her temple, other than one of her old followers went inside, and locked all the doors.  So I'm tasked with opening all the other doors on the inside, and finding Milkyway. Mandalore. Malkoran, that's it.  Malkoran.

Crystal soccer ball refracts light at perfect angles AND is a key.  SMART.

So through Meridia's bullshit Deus Ex Machinae (Literally this) she unlocks the outside door into the temple of Kilkreath.  From there-on, her illumination would only be able to guide me, not protect me.  Presumably because she can't protect SHIT, as the place is FILLED with these:

More like Dessicated Corpse, amirite?

And that's it.  I stumbled over at least TEN of those, moving from section to section within the temple, eventually finding a pedestal to raise yet another soccer ball to bounce the lightbeam off of; results were a door opening / bridge lowering into place or some other impasse being removed from my way.  Easy.  Too easy.  I've got my guards up, even if the effect is pretty cool-lookin'

Reflection of light givin' me dat priaPRISM.

OK that was a bad joke.  Moving on.  Yet another glowy ball, another room, SNORE.  I've done these switches like 4 times already; and haven't hit a single goddamn thing so-far.  WHY Meridia was even worried, I'll never know.  Here let me just open this door here and--

NSHAJDBIDAJ BNADLADNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

GET AWAY
GET AWAY
SHOO SHOO

Oh god that thing just pops out of the fucking ETHER at you!  And they make NO SOUND until they're right ontop of you; but when you CAN hear them, its a mix of this whispery raspy breathing, skeleton clattering, and maybe an infant weeping.  That might've been me, I'm not sure.  Look, I was terrified and I might've overreacted a bit.  Suffice to say I immediately recanted my statement about Meridia being a pushover, because these guys (Presuming they're the leftovers from all of those desecrated corpses lying around earlier, as the armor seems to match) are TOUGH.  I mean hardened criminal tough.  They wouldn't shed a tear even if their nanas died.

JUBILEE POWERS: ACTIVATE!

Healing myself from the damage they caused served only in angering these shades even further.  But they were nothing compared to Mac-at-nite. I mean Macedonia. Malkoran.   That guy.  As a Nord, I recieve 50% Frost resist as a passive stat; Nords are hardy and beefy natives of Skyrim, so they're used to it being colder than a yeti's dick.  You'd think this would come in handy against Malkoran, a mage who uses ice spells as his weapon of choice.

Pulling punches, in that I've pulled back too far from my target.  Fuck.

So my first (And several other) attempts at Malkoran ended like this, not too shortly after my initial full-on frontal attack.  Because that's how I do it; Skyrim-style.

So frequent an occurrence for this fight, just click on this one image like 8 times.

I kissed that floor so many times; Malkoran's magic is either BULLSHIT or BULLSHIT I can't tell.  Because he'd launch this giant blizzard orb my way, and I'd effectively just DIE right there.  Eventually, I managed to used my environment to my advantage, when he began casting.  (See: I hid behind the pillars like a little bitch)  It was quite fruitful.

OH MAH GAWD.

STONE COLD

STUNNAH

Those giant glowy blue things stuck inside me? Ice spikes.  They work similar to arrows in that if shot by some they protrude outwards and look all boss.  No wonder I was dying; I look like I messed with a frost giant or something.  Watching Malkoran skid a few feet face-first on the ground was very satisfying.  Unfortunately that moment was fleeting as this bullshit happened:

ROUND TWO MOTHAFUKKA.

This is where Bethesda's legacy kicked in for me in a beneficial way, actually.  The shade glitched onto some of that stone slab's geometry, and was unable to attack me.  So after you know, healing myself from the brink of death's door there on account of the ice magic, I was free to approach this new situation head-on.

That didn't work.  Why? Because the shade was glitched.  punching him was doing no damage, despite connecting with the target.  FUS RO DAH'ing the target clear of the ledge wasn't working either, as the shade just kept jittering about the same small patch of floor, stuck within some sort of invisible box.  Can't use a weapon, can't use magic...  Only course of action?  Dragon fire shout.  Yes, this might seem like cheating on the challenge a bit, as this shout does cause a moderate amount of damage, and is a ranged attack.  I usually stick to FUS'in, since that doesn't cause any damage (unless you knock them off a cliff), just knockback.  However, it was late, and I wanted to just get it over with.  So I proceeeded to firebreath this guy once every 30 seconds (internal dragonshout cooldown), chipping away at his health.  and I do mean chip away.  I yelled at him for about 8 minutes before he died.

Victory!  I place the final beacon, having completed my quest for Meridia.  Immediately she teleports me out of the dungeon, says that she had observed me for a long time and was confident I would be the one to finally rid her temple of blah blah blah the standard diety speech.  For my troubles, I am rewarded with Dawnbreaker!  HELLS YEAH!  DAWNBREAKER!  What's a dawnbreaker?

A sword that causes explosions.  Meridia you bitch.

Of COURSE the item is awesome but there's no way I'm allowed to use it because of the whole punching things in the face.  Guess I'll go get my 740 golds' worth out of it.  Maybe keep it as decoration for my house.

Speaking of: Next week's Geeking Out in Skyrim.  That time I bought/built a house, and pissed off my neighbours in the process!